Belonging in the Digital Age: Understanding Teenagers, Social Media, and the Search for Connection

As a psychotherapist with over a decade of clinical experience working with adults, children, and adolescents—and as a parent of two teenagers, aged 13 and 15—I’ve witnessed firsthand the complexities of growing up in today’s world.

The new Netflix series Adolescence has sparked incredibly meaningful discussions, many of which are unfolding, ironically, through social media. The show presents a raw and beautifully crafted portrayal of modern adolescence, touching on key themes that resonate deeply with its audience. However, in my experience, social media is merely a symptom of a much deeper issue: the fundamental human need to belong.

The brain isn’t fully developed until around age 25, with two major periods of growth occurring from birth to age five and again during adolescence. I often describe the teenage brain to parents as a high-speed car with faulty brakes—powered by surging hormones and intense emotions but lacking the self-regulation tools or emotional intelligence to manage them.

Adolescents are in a crucial stage of identity formation, seeking belonging outside their families, exploring relationships, and defining their values and beliefs. Pushing boundaries and rebelling against parents is not just common but a necessary part of this developmental process.

Now, imagine exposing this highly impressionable, still-developing brain to social media. It’s a perfect storm.

Of course, there is a link between social media and teenage mental health—study after study has shown the risks. But social media is also here to stay. It works. It connects teenagers in ways previous generations could never have imagined. Watch a group of teenagers at a bus stop: to an older eye, it may look like they are all ignoring each other, staring into their phones. In reality, they are often connecting—sharing memes, commenting in group chats, sending videos back and forth. This is their form of communication, their chosen language of belonging.

Yes, the research is clear about the negative effects: more comparison, more pressure, more vulnerability to exclusion. But let’s also be honest about the world our young people have inherited. They know no different. They are finding their identity in a complex, uncertain world—one that we, as adults, have handed down to them. Social media didn’t create their struggles; it has simply become the stage where those struggles play out.

So what can we do? We can create richer alternatives. For some families, that might mean prioritising shared meals, device-free evenings, or small rituals that remind teenagers they belong at home first. For communities, it might mean investing in youth clubs, theatre, sport, and volunteering—spaces where connection and identity can grow offline. For teens themselves, it’s about encouraging safe risks and building resilience, so they learn they can stumble without losing their place in the world.

Adolescence will always be messy, creative, and turbulent. Social media is just the latest backdrop. But when we give young people a stronger foundation of real-world belonging, they can use these digital tools without being defined—or undone—by them.